Wednesday, August 11, 2004
I’ve been out for some time. Carrying this misery of mine. I just don’t know myself now. Why am I like this? Is it because of the cold treatment and bein taken for granted by my mom. Is it because I cant accept that im a professional bum at the moment? Is it because I still remember him, not yet have been forgiven him, not yet accepted what has real happened? I just cant take it that im suffering so today. Having my SPS every week. Being sad everyday day. Being lonely.. a lot has been offering their kindness of loving me once more, willing to take the risk, but also, some has failed and wasn’t able to fulfill their promise. But why cant I accept their love for me? I just cant. I have made a lot of mistakes in the past. Ive been giving too much of myself and taking for granted my own happiness. But im sad.. what a life. I really cant explain it..
My household head always asked me, “Tin, wats the status of your heart? Are you happy? What are your concerns?”. Oh I miss that ate Elena. From the moment shaun has been courting, to my accounting crisis, breaking up with him, then theres Aubrey, and there’s Franco. Elena has taught me a lot of things. But when I ask myself now, the same question, I’m so empty, I don’t even know wat the status of my heart is. Im thirsty of something I cant have or cant do. Theres a lot of it.. specially going to church and attending yfc gatherings. I crave for those.. it makes my life normal and clean..
Going back, I guess the problem is really me, as my famous line in break ups: “it not you, it’s me.. you have done nothing, you’ve been so nice.. I need time for myself.. sorry..” I thought it was just an excuse for I found someone new, but it wasn’t, it was true. I’m totally not ready for a new relationship. So please, bear with me..
I wanted to fix my life first. Give me time.. my life means the whole of it.. not just a part or a percentage, but everything!! My family, career, friends, and most importantly personal interests. I wanna have fun, enjoy and most importantly to be happy.. that’s my only happiness and wish for myself, BE HAPPY.. true happiness is coming from the heart, seeing it, feeling it, and you have the freedom of experiencing so.
Tats told me this morning, tin its such a blessing, there are meteor showers today, its my birthday, yet its i love you day.. i just hope i cud be as blessed as she is.. i know God will give me that happiness. I know You will. jst be strong and PATIENT tin.. we can do it.. mwah.
My household head always asked me, “Tin, wats the status of your heart? Are you happy? What are your concerns?”. Oh I miss that ate Elena. From the moment shaun has been courting, to my accounting crisis, breaking up with him, then theres Aubrey, and there’s Franco. Elena has taught me a lot of things. But when I ask myself now, the same question, I’m so empty, I don’t even know wat the status of my heart is. Im thirsty of something I cant have or cant do. Theres a lot of it.. specially going to church and attending yfc gatherings. I crave for those.. it makes my life normal and clean..
Going back, I guess the problem is really me, as my famous line in break ups: “it not you, it’s me.. you have done nothing, you’ve been so nice.. I need time for myself.. sorry..” I thought it was just an excuse for I found someone new, but it wasn’t, it was true. I’m totally not ready for a new relationship. So please, bear with me..
I wanted to fix my life first. Give me time.. my life means the whole of it.. not just a part or a percentage, but everything!! My family, career, friends, and most importantly personal interests. I wanna have fun, enjoy and most importantly to be happy.. that’s my only happiness and wish for myself, BE HAPPY.. true happiness is coming from the heart, seeing it, feeling it, and you have the freedom of experiencing so.
Tats told me this morning, tin its such a blessing, there are meteor showers today, its my birthday, yet its i love you day.. i just hope i cud be as blessed as she is.. i know God will give me that happiness. I know You will. jst be strong and PATIENT tin.. we can do it.. mwah.
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