Thursday, July 29, 2004
just wen will of this end? i short moment of fun, of happiness, then later a triple times more or sacrifices, depression, down pulling, hurting days..
arent you all tired of all of this? cant u see it? it doesnt work? im so fed up.. im so pissed off.. im so over this.. every time I think of it, its jst so unpredictable. I know there are mishaps in my choice of words, but this is just what I think, what runs in my mind. And it may be because im being attacked by my worse illness, it’s the SPS.. the very rare illness one could ever have. Specially those who are loved and have freedom, and most of all, experiences the true meaning of life.
If you were my mother, or any of my parents, will you be proud of me? Well, if I were, I will be so really proud of being someone connected to a person like me. Yes, I admit, im not the perfect person or daughter a parent would ask for. But hell, we are all humans and also make mistakes, im sure you did also, didn’t you?!
But its not the mistakes or floss you had, you must look at the bigger picture, yes look at other people, but when you do so, think of the better side. Compare it to where you might be proud of.
Now I tell you, for example, you were my parents: “ hi, you know what, you just don’t care for me! All you cared about was YOURSELF, the PEOPLE AROUND, what they might think of, etc etc.. have you ever thought of how your own family would feel? If I am enjoying my life? .. yes, its not that you were not beside me all the time. But you know what, I feel the real life when I am far by your side. And I am supposed to be happy when you were coming and be together again even for once in a while.. but no, I admit that I get excited some times, coz I was hoping will turn out just fine, and change our lives, live a new life, etc etc.. Whenever that time comes, I always pray to the Lord: Lord, im sorry for all I have done, but pls, I hope everything will be fine during their stay here, and give us a new life’. I always prayed for peace in our family.. I even promise or trade things with God just to give me that wish. But I guess, I always mess up that’s why God thinks I don’t deserve any of those simple wishes. But still, I know God wont ever leave me, he gave me lots of friends, talents to keep connected with other people and earn their love and concern I have never felt with my fuckin own family. I mean, what wrong with us? Are we really that broken? I know, in fact we are not broke, but the FAMILY.. I don’t feel like calling this a family. I don’t want to have a family no more if this is just the meaning of it. I give up. If I cant even fix my own family, how wud I be able to have one which I want it to be. See the summary and lesson and theory of all of these?! Its NO BOYFRIEND, even after January, I know I could make it! NO FAMILY, NO HAPPINESS, NO PEACE. I think that’s just how life is. Time out na muna ako.. give up talaga.. ive been here for almost 2 months, but I fuckin give up baby.. I don’t want it like this.. I quit!
arent you all tired of all of this? cant u see it? it doesnt work? im so fed up.. im so pissed off.. im so over this.. every time I think of it, its jst so unpredictable. I know there are mishaps in my choice of words, but this is just what I think, what runs in my mind. And it may be because im being attacked by my worse illness, it’s the SPS.. the very rare illness one could ever have. Specially those who are loved and have freedom, and most of all, experiences the true meaning of life.
If you were my mother, or any of my parents, will you be proud of me? Well, if I were, I will be so really proud of being someone connected to a person like me. Yes, I admit, im not the perfect person or daughter a parent would ask for. But hell, we are all humans and also make mistakes, im sure you did also, didn’t you?!
But its not the mistakes or floss you had, you must look at the bigger picture, yes look at other people, but when you do so, think of the better side. Compare it to where you might be proud of.
Now I tell you, for example, you were my parents: “ hi, you know what, you just don’t care for me! All you cared about was YOURSELF, the PEOPLE AROUND, what they might think of, etc etc.. have you ever thought of how your own family would feel? If I am enjoying my life? .. yes, its not that you were not beside me all the time. But you know what, I feel the real life when I am far by your side. And I am supposed to be happy when you were coming and be together again even for once in a while.. but no, I admit that I get excited some times, coz I was hoping will turn out just fine, and change our lives, live a new life, etc etc.. Whenever that time comes, I always pray to the Lord: Lord, im sorry for all I have done, but pls, I hope everything will be fine during their stay here, and give us a new life’. I always prayed for peace in our family.. I even promise or trade things with God just to give me that wish. But I guess, I always mess up that’s why God thinks I don’t deserve any of those simple wishes. But still, I know God wont ever leave me, he gave me lots of friends, talents to keep connected with other people and earn their love and concern I have never felt with my fuckin own family. I mean, what wrong with us? Are we really that broken? I know, in fact we are not broke, but the FAMILY.. I don’t feel like calling this a family. I don’t want to have a family no more if this is just the meaning of it. I give up. If I cant even fix my own family, how wud I be able to have one which I want it to be. See the summary and lesson and theory of all of these?! Its NO BOYFRIEND, even after January, I know I could make it! NO FAMILY, NO HAPPINESS, NO PEACE. I think that’s just how life is. Time out na muna ako.. give up talaga.. ive been here for almost 2 months, but I fuckin give up baby.. I don’t want it like this.. I quit!
Tuesday, July 27, 2004
Loving SomeoneSometimes, in our relentless efforts to find theperson we love WE FAIL TO RECOGNIZE AND APPRECIATE THE PEOPLE WHO LOVE US. We miss out on so many beautiful things and simply because we allow ourselves to be enslaved by our own selfish concerns. Go for the man of deeds and not for the man of words for you will find rewarding happiness not with the man you love but the man who loves you more.The best lovers are those who are capable of loving from a distance, far enough to allow the other person to grow, but never too far to feel the love deep within your being. To let go of someone doesn't mean you have to stop loving, it only means that you allow that person to find his own HAPPINESS without expecting him to come back. Letting go is not just setting the other person free, but it is also setting yourself free from all fears, bitterness, hatred, and anger that you keep in your heart.Do not let the bitterness rare away your strength and weaken your faith, and never allow pain to dishearten you, but rather let you grow with wisdom in bearing it. YOU MAY HAVE FOUND PEACE IN JUST LOVING SOMEONE FROM A DISTANCE NOT EXPECTING ANYTHING IN RETURN. But be careful, for this can sustain life BUT CAN NEVER GIVE ENOUGH ROOM FOR US TO GROW. We can all survive with just beautiful memories of the past but real peace and happiness come only with open acceptance of what reality is today.There comes a time in our lives when we chance upon someone so nice and we just find ourselves getting so intensely attracted to that person. This feeling soon become a part of our everyday lives and eventually consumes our thoughts and actions. The sad part of it is when we begin to realize that this person feels nothing more for us than just friendship, or the feelings he might have for u is just too far from how you love him. We start our desperate attempt to get noticed and be closer but in the end our efforts are still unrewarded and we end up being sorry for ourselves.You don't have to be bitter on love. What you need to learn is how to accept the verdict of reality without being bitter or sorry for yourself. Believe me, you would be better off giving that dedication and love to someone more deserving. DON'T LET YOUR HEART RUN YOUR LIFE, BE SENSIBLE AND LET YOUR MIND SPEAK FOR ITSELF. LISTEN NOT ONLY TO YOUR FEELINGS BUT TO REASON AS WELL.Always remember that IF YOU LOSE SOMEONE TODAY, IT MEANS THAT SOMEONE BETTER IS COMING TOMORROW: If you lose love that doesn't mean that you failed in love. Cry, if you have to, but make it sure that the tears wash away the hurt and the bitterness that the past has left with you. Let go of yesterday and love will find its way back to you. And when it does, pray that it may be the love that will stay and last a lifetime."WHEN YOU LOSE SOMEONE... AND YOU THINK YOU WERE THE ONE WHO LOVED MOST, BETWEEN THE TWO OF YOU...HE LOST MORE. For someday you can love someone the way that you loved him...BUT HE WILL NEVER BE LOVED AGAIN THE WAY THAT YOU DID.""Many people will walk in and out of your life butonly true friends will leave footprints in your heart"
Monday, July 19, 2004
days have passed. a lot has happened. 1st, my spanish classes are ongoing. my teacher is a hell of a mexican. he's cool but lazy.. hehhehehe.. then i met a lot of pips here in cali.. awee in there, w/ joy and michelle, and other guy friends. then yno and mike.. who treated me for spiderman 2!! my online friends who are always there for me, bry n jep. not to mention my loyal bsba-2 and YM friendships.. hehhehehe.. and who would forget EJ.. whew! lakas tama pare..
